Boxcars (5)

When i woke up Steven and me were tied up in chairs at this huge freakin' table. Then in comes this old man that looks like the Monopoly guy. like off the cover of the game. Everything right down to the monocle. Also he speaks a lot like James Lipton... I hate James Lipton.

He explains his name is "Mr. Baggs", he's disappointed that it had to come to this because i was being "difficult" and that he's the head of "The Gentleman's Society of Unconventional Recreation". In other words... he's a late 50 something year old man who had plastic surgery to look more like the Monopoly guy, runs a multi billion dollar secret society of rich old insane men who love board games too much, has an affinity for theft, kidnapping, and other illegal activities, but he thinks that I'M difficult to deal with.

Well he gives me an offer: Beat Mr. Gardens at a game of Monopoly and I'm hired, lose and suddenly my parents will have a hard time proving they had a son in the first place. When Steven asks what about him Baggs only says "You pray he wins. He only got that offer because I'm a nice fellow who likes a competitive game." Honestly, I didn't like the idea of being "hired" but i really, really, really did not like the idea of disappearing from every database on earth and likely disappearing from the earth itself because i crossed the Monopoly guy's biggest fan.

So we have a table set up, Steven stays tied up in his chair and Mr. Baggs sits next to him in another and i take my seat at the table and take out my old faithful battleship piece (I've kept it in my pocket since i was a kid... it's a good luck charm i guess) and out comes Mr. Marvin S. Gardens... and Mr. Marvin S. Gardens... and Mr. Marvin S. Gardens ... and you get the picture... suddenly this guy is one of seven identical brothers, well i thought he was... turns out that the recruitment officers all have to dress and groom the same way... something about the psychological effect it has creeping out whoever they play against... It works. They all sit down around me. They all smell of doctor's offices...

At this point Mr. Baggs (who's full name i can only assume is Douche Baggs) is doing the evil mastermind laugh from his chair in the back of the room and sipping down wine that's likely older than I am. He finally lets out "Okay boys! let's see a game!"

We start rolling for the turn order... 7, 10, 3, 5, 8, 6, and then the original Marvin Gardens... i think at least... he's the one that i get the most pissed at when i look at them so that's something... rolls 11 and smiles.

I roll 12 and mentally picture myself kicking him in the taint.