What's up? you like monopoly? i sure as hell do. in fact I'd venture I'm the best monopoly player ever. You know what makes you a great monopoly player? you don't. don't try. I can see it in your face. you don't have what it takes. Don't feel bad. Not many people do. The world of competitive monopoly takes guys like you and wrecks them.
Oh yeah competitive monopoly. It's a big thing in Japan dude. Old CEOs of Japanese companies get bored with nothing to do so they play monopoly... i kid you not. You don't believe me? Ask yourself this... have you ever seen a rich old Japanese man? no? well let me describe one for you: a 70 something year old Asian with a taste for fine sake, underage girls, and games. All kinds. idk it's in their blood or something. Shit's weird one time i beat a guy and won his daughter... he was all "Jason-san you are most impressive! please take my first born as your love slave!" and i was all "no way dude not my thing" and he was all... well you get the picture.
The point is that I play a lot of monopoly and I don't lose. It's what pays for my college you know. They fly me off to Japan or Germany or wherever these creepy old men are... and I play against them or someone they hired to beat me. It's all overseen by some uber secret society nonsense so i don't have to worry about anyone like putting a hit on me for making them a little less rich and insane, so that's cool.
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